An Addendum to my review

My P3 review was suppose to be a mock. My apologies if it didn't come across that way. Apparently this movie made me so stupid that it stripped me of my humor. Seth had told me how convoluted and stupid this movie is, which he's right. In fact, everyone told me how stupid this movie is, so my review was a mock support of it.

Did not work so well now did it. . .

At world's end is just plain retarded. Don't see this movie, ever.

My Review of Pirates 3: At World's End

As many of you know I loved the first Pirates movie. I then went and saw the 2nd installment and wanted to shove a lawnmower down my esophagus. So, being the trooper I am, I decided to watch the last one even though many, many people told me how bad it was. Well, I say they were wrong.

The movie begins with lots of people lining up to get hung. They all start singing a pirate lullaby as they wait for their death.

Title credits

Now we are in an underground cave in Singapore. We follow Barbosa and company to the main pirate king room where they tell head pirate guy (we'll call him Chink) that the lullaby has been sung and that the quarry of nine from eight have to meet. Well, Chink, being skeptical, decides that the only way to find out if this is true is to fight, for 20 minutes, at least. So they fight fight fight and Chink agrees the meeting must happen. But first they have to find Jack. How will they do that you ask? Well, Barbosa says it's easy to get to Jack, the hard part is getting back. One has to travel through cold weather and wait for the green flashing light to occur. So they are off.

Cut to Jack Sparrow. A lot of him. He apparently is in an afterlife holideck which is able to conjure up his worst nightmares. So he is in the white sand, with lots of copies of him and eggs that look like rocks which transform into crabs. He somehow convinces the rocks to move the ship from the middle of the desert to the beach, where Barbosa, Elizabeth Swan, and crew wait for Jack. When they all meet up, Jack is unsure if they are real or if they are just figments made from the holideck. Nope, they aren't. So they set sail. But they have to figure out how to get the boat back to real life before sunrise. That's right, sunrise. Because in this world the sun rises in the west. Wait, if it rises in the west that must mean the ship is upside down. So the whole crew starts to tilt the boat back and forth for at least twenty minutes until it flips over, which it does, and then they see the green flash. WooHoo, Jack is saved from the afterlife holideck of doom.

So ends the first hour of the film.

Okay, so now that Jack is reunited with Barbosa, Swan, and crew, now they have to get Will Turner who is captured by the English as the ship Endeavor is on the hunt for pirates, riches, and world domination. So, I think Will strikes up a deal with Captain English douche bag (EDB) to find barbosa and to find where the quarry of the nine from eight are meeting. Will then says he can deliver Jack Sparrow and trade jack for Will's dad's freedom. So, the deal gets made on a short strip of land and Will goes with barbosa and Swan, while Jack goes with EDB and it seems to be bad, but a reassuring shot of Jack giving a little "I know what I'm doing" made me feel better.

So, at this point, Jack is trying to get the heart of Davy Jones so he can be freed of his debt, and Will is also trying to free his dad from his debt. . .I think, I can't really remember. No, I think that's right because if Will frees his dad they can be reunited and the dad doesn't have to be bound to the ship any longer . . . I think. Well, no matter, Jack has a plan. And the plan involves Calypso.

Barbosa knows that the plan involves Calypso too, because Calypso is bound in human form and when she is free, she can turn into weather and control it. So, Barbosa knows he has a secret weapon on his hands.

Okay, so, after the Jack/Will exchange, Barbosa and crew sail to a pirates cove conveniently close to where they are and all the pirates of the world unite. They all discuss how they are going to handle the big last battle and how they are going to amass artifacts in a plate to figure how they will beat the EDB and his english army. After about a twenty minute discussion someone yells, "We must have a vote". Whoever is pirate king will make the decision. So they vote. Every pirate captain votes for himself including Swan who is now the captain of Chink's boat. Then Jack comes out of nowhere and votes for Swan. An uproar occurs because they all argue over the rules. Then the Keeper of the Pirate law (Keith Richards) comes forward and says the law is the law. Swan wins, so they go to war with the English.

End of hour 2

So, then there occurs lots and lots of sailing to where the English boats are. When they finally get there, it is time to free Calypso because quarry of the nine from eight all put special magic items in a plate and said some magic words and then she started huffing, puffing, growing into a giant, then she exploded into a bunch of rock/crab transformers we saw in the afterlife holideck, and they all fall into the sea. Oh crap you say? You betcha! The sea starts to get real crazy and big whirlpool forms in the middle of the ships. Yikes! Then it starts to rain, then it's "man your battle stations" and "Fire!" The battle to end all battles occurs. Swords and cannons fly everywhere. Jack fights Davy, Barbosa fights crazy english soldiers, Will and Swan do this swing your sword/profess your love that really defines their relationship. So much so that during the sword fight, they get married. Where would they find someone to marry them? Barbosa of course. So they exchange vows in between swinging their swords.

Then the big standoff with Davy, Will, Swan, and Jack happens. Jack found Davy's heart and is about to stab it when Davy turns around and stabs Will, rendering him dead. Jack and Barbosa put a sword through Davy's heart and he dies for good. Then the waters grow calm, then a big ship comes out of the water and it's Will's. He's alive again and captain of the boat that carries the dead. Both ships then sail to the Endeavor and blow it to pieces. Swan is happy to see Will again but can't for long because now his heart is in a lock box and must go to the afterlife holideck for ten years.

In the end, Jack in on shore with 2 ladies looking for the black pearl. Well, it's not where he parked it. Turns out Barbosa stole it and the map to the fountain of youth from Jack. Ha Ha Barbosa says, foiled Jack one more time, then opens up his map to see there is a big hole in it. ARG!! Jack was the one that took it, now he's after the fountain of youth.

Then Will and Swan are on a beach and Will has to say goodbye but, he leaves his heart in a treasure chest for her to keep. Then after the credits, Will does come back. I guess they can be happy again, right?

This film redefines stupid.

Three things that really bother me about Myspace users

I have a Myspace account. I debated a long time before I signed up because I felt like it was just for kids in high school. Turns out it isn't. I did find people I went to high school with, get updated photos from my brother in Portland, and keep up with friends.

However. . .

There are 3 things that send my anger to the stratosphere when it comes to people and their myspace page:

1)The music on your page - Unless you are actually in a band promoting your music, stop it with your crappy music. No one cares if you like Good Charlotte or Delilah. Seriously, if I wanted to hear bad music I would listen to the radio. If you want to have music, try silence. It's better than anything you're listening to.

2)Graphics on your page - Honestly, how much shit can you cram into your graphic design? Really, do you have to have a animated monkey along with your posters of Scarface? How about your 10 pictures of you on a photo slide along with thomas kincade paintings on top of zig zag wallpaper. It's all a little too much, don't you think? Nope you don't, because you post like 10,000 youtube videos on top of all that background. Just stop it!

3)Bulletins on your page - Surveys = Forwards, and no one cares about forwards. Maybe once in a while they're fun . . .oh wait, no they're not. Turns out if no one comments on your survey, or responds to your survey, it does not give you licence to send out 1200 more. Just stop it, seriously.

So I think what I'm trying to say is: excess . . .not so much.

Oh yeah, I forgot, have a nice day!

Funniest Joke?

Top Ten Essential Favorite Films

Most of you know that I love movies. I know that I care about film and aspects of how they get made more than most. So, I thought it would be fun to show the more relatable side by posting my 10 favorite films (in no particular order).

1)Dead Poets Society - I remember how moved I was the first time I saw the kids stand on desks. Oh Captain my Captain!

2)The Game - I've probably watched this film 40 times in my life and I still find it mesmerizing!

3)Tron - I remember as a kid wanting a light cycle.

4)The Black Hole - The USS signus is still larger than life. I still watch this and tron back to back every year.

5)Goonies - My sense of adventure was teased when I saw this (in 6th grade).

6)Back to the Future - I still want a Delorean, and a Volterra skateboard.

7)My Blue Heaven - To me, one of the funniest movies that stands the test of time.

8)Raiders of the Lost Ark - If Goonies teased my sense of adventure, Raiders helped cultivate it more.

9)Star Trek: The Motion Picture - Don't worry, Wrath of Khan was on the list but I always go back to this movie. The idea of exploring the truly unknown is so awesome, plus the Enterprise is my favorite ship of all time.

10)Star Wars - There was a time when "Star Wars" meant episode IV, you remember, right? When Han shot Greedo first, and you watched this taped movie at least once a week on VHS, because that's all you had. Ah, the good old days. . .

(As an added bonus, I got Jenny to play the game too. Here's her list.

1)Amelie
2)The Sound of Music
3)The Game
4)All the Bourne Movies
5)Almost Famous
6)Sneakers
7)Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
8)Rushmore
9)Mary Poppins
10)Cinderella

A TobyMac song I like

It's no secret that TobyMac has tried for years to destroy music. No one denies he's got a massive amount of talent, but he seems to take every style his come across and try to jam it in a song. Most all his songs are crap and I like to make fun of them. Here is what a TobyMac song is like: It starts out kind of cool, you get sort of invested in it, you think "oh #$*!", this may be a cool song", then he takes a giant dump on it and, once again, you feel like he hates music and everything good it stands for.

So, I hear a new song called "I'm for you". I thought it was kind of cool, got invested in it, got to the "oh #$*!" part of the cycle, but then it kept being cool. I couldn't believe it didn't let me down. The song has a great beat, he dials back the limp bizkit garbage, and the song has a great message. Now, in the grand scheme of music, the song is like a 5 out of 10. For a TobyMac song, I give it a strong 8. In fact, I bought the song on Itunes.

Making fun of Toby is easy. It's almost easier than making fun of fat and ugly people at the fair. But for the first time in my life, I'm sticking up for him. I think he made a great record. Hats off.

Rate that Commentary

Rate that commentary is a website devoted to commentary tracks on DVDs. Most likely, if you own any DVDs, 8 out of 10 have a director's commentary or various other commentaries. Are they any good though? Most of the one's I've seen are very informative and entertaining, but as I was listening to a podcast from the hollywood saloon entitled "art of commentary", it truly takes talent to do a commentary track. Sometimes a director is best on his own, sometimes a director is best with his writer or fellow actor. The podcast talked about great ones and suck ones. The best one that I've heard is the Philosopher's track on Matrix Reloaded. I also enjoy any David Fincher track (Fight Club, Panic Room).

According to rate that commentary, here are the top ten (voted by site users):

1. Zodiac -- Commentary track: Actors Jake Gyllenhall and Robert Downey Jr, producer Brad Fischer, screenwriter James Vanderbilt and writer James Ellroy. Rating: 9.0

2. Zodiac -- Commentary track: Director David Fincher. Rating: 8.6

3. Superbad -- Commentary track: Director Greg Mottola, screenwriter Evan Goldberg, actors Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jonah Hill, producer Judd Apatow, and Apatow's nine-year-old daughter Maude. Rating: 8.6

4. Halloween -- Commentary track: Writer/Director John Carpenter, actor Jamie Lee Curtis and writer/producer Debra Hill. Rating: 8.6

5. The Exorcist -- Commentary track: Director William Friedkin. Rating: 8.5

6. The Godfather -- Commentary track: Director Francis Ford Coppola. Rating: 8.5

7. Escape From New York -- Commentary track: Director John Carpenter and actor Kurt Russell. Rating: 8.5

8. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring -- Commentary track: Director Peter Jackson, and writers Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens. Rating: 8.5

9. Brazil -- Commentary track: Director Terry Gilliam (on disc 1, the director's cut of the film). Rating: 8.5

10. Evil Dead II -- Commentary track: Director/co-writer Sam Raimi, actor Bruce Campbell, co-writer Scott Spiegel, and special effects make-up artist Greg Nicotero. Rating: 8.5

(Disclaimer - Superbad, to me, is a giant piece of shit. We watched the first 15 minutes of it and I wanted to throw a giant cinder block through my television. Anyone who loves this movie should run their head into the wall . . .but you know, it's just my opinion)

Here are the ten worst:

1. 2019: After the Fall of New York -- Commentary track: Actor Michael Sopkiw and "Post-nuke film historians" David Zuzelo and Dolph Chiarino. Rating: 0.0 Good Luck Chuck cover

2. Good Luck Chuck -- Commentary track: Actor Dane Cook, director Mark Helfrich, producer Mike Karz and writer Josh Stolberg. Rating: 0.0

3. The Story of O -- Commentary track: Director Just Jaeckin. Rating: 0.8

4. Rollerball -- Commentary track: Actors Chris Klein, LL Cool J, and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. Rating: 0.8

5. The Exorcist (The Version You've Never Seen) -- Commentary track: Director William Friedkin. Rating: 0.9

6. Ren and Stimpy: The Complete First and Second Seasons -- Commentary track: "Man's Best Friend". Rating: 1.5

7. Taboo -- Commentary track: Actor Kay Parker. Rating: 1.5

8. Ultraviolet -- Commentary track: Actor Milla Jovovich. Rating: 1.5

9. Bowling for Columbine -- Commentary track: Receptionists, production assistants, and interns. Rating: 1.6

10. Spaceballs -- Commentary track: Director Mel Brooks. Rating: 1.8

Do you have any favories?